walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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