smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
