even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
