3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The air taste purple.
Randomize
