he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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