Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
