Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
