me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
