i always forget guys have bellybuttons
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
