Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
