So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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