i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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