She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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