checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
