I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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