The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
