When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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