I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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