Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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