got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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