I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
