Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
