I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
