i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
How naked do you want me to be?
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