White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize