MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
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