Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
