I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
