Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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