The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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