Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize