she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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