I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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