I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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