Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
