my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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