he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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