The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
