I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Small penises have feelings too.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
