Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
