I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
