Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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