I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize