yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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