is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
