Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Where is the hickey?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
