My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
