ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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