...so i touched it.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
