so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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