Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
