is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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