My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
