He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
