I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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