I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
