That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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