She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize