he wants to bone in the snuggie
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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