You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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