Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
