All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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