Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
