a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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