just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
