im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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