i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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