Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
